Humans are social creatures and having social networks are great for enhancing our mental and overall health. Friendships can also have a profound impact on the way we see the world and our general disposition. However not all friendships are created equal.
In his book, R. Greene points out a phenomena in which people who are miserable, negative or unlucky tend to be 'infectious'. Those associating with these negative people may themselves adopt those negative traits or draw misfortune or negative elements their way. He even notes that as good as your intentions may be to perhaps help the person, and offer support, ultimately chronically unlucky or chronically negative people tend to spread their vices. So even though your intention is to help or uplift the person, this may cause more harm than good.
Personally I find this to be a harsh approach to adopt, although I accept that there may be merit to his position.
Fortunately, the same is true for the opposite traits. Spending more time with people with positive traits, can be infectious as well. Spending time with a positive person may help you to be more positive in your own life. If there is a character flaw you would like to improve, associating with people who are exemplars of the positive trait will help you to develop these positive traits. "if you are gloomy, gravitate to the cheerful".
Surrounding yourself with people who do things you perceive as positive can help you to improve your general mental state. Find people who you can relate to, who bring out positive emotions within you. Associate with people who you are comfortable to talk and laugh with, who can understand your perspective. It is also beneficial to associate people who will encourage you either overtly or vicariously to improve your own vices and develop your character. Additionally, having a more optimistic outlook is associated with both physical and psychological well-being.
When it comes to friends or family who are chronically negative, Greene proposes cutting all ties with what has many to refer to as "toxic" people. Specifically he cautions that "There is nothing to be gained by associating with those who infect you with their misery" and that associating with them will only "waste your time and energy". However, if it is not possible to cut ties, our if it goes against your nature, there are other ways to deal with these people. More gentle ways of self-preserving and immunising yourself against the negativity, but this looks different for different people.
The moral is to make sure your friends are friends indeed. Associate with those who emotionally enhance your life rather than consistently drain your energy.
And if you do find yourself stuck with discerning whether your friends are friends in need or friends indeed, you can always reach out to your local therapist or life coach 😉
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