This post explores the basics of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). What is it, why we should know about it, and how you can help as a parent. I try to break it down for you so that you can get the basics quickly. Let me know if you find this helpful xx.
Life is busy and with our limited time available to us, trying to attend to various areas of our lives - get work done, meal prep, exercise, social connections, and if you have kids multiply that by the number of offspring. Life can feel overwhelming and trying to strike a balance can feel like peddling uphill through a river of humus. Seriously. Trudging! Like when you watch the runners approaching the finish line of the comrades marathon in the minutes before the final cut-off... you can actually see the mental energy it takes to convince one leg to step in front of the other. You can feel their exhaustion as you see how each step is pushing elephants.
While there are massive benefits to having information at our fingertips, this too can feel like overload. Every platform and every direction you turn touts the next best way to get your life together. Or the next catch phrase or the next best thing. While it seems so much to learn about and its not necessary to delve into all of these. But some things are worth knowing about, and EQ is one of them. Fear not, I’m gonna break it down for you to it’s bare elements and make this a quick and easy read!
What is Emotional Intelligence?
To simplify let’s consider it through comparison to general intelligence. When measured, IQ can be seen as the composite of one's degree of learned abilities and intellectual adaptivity or fluid intelligence. In lay terms, IQ is your “book smarts”. In this simplified view, emotional intelligence is “street smarts”. It is the ability to understand intra- and interpersonal nuances and to be able to cope with the ups and downs of life. To get a better understanding of what it is, let's look at how it is measured.
One of the most popular assessment tools investigating emotional intelligence is the Bar-On EQi. This tool is used for personal development as well as job selection in corporate environments. The test breaks down EQ into the following components:
Self-perception: This facet involves having a positive view of ones' self. The ability to pursue one's goals. It also involves recognising and understanding one's own emotions and their impact on thoughts and behaviours.
Self-Expression: This facet involves a person's ability to direct their own behaviour and to openly and confidently express their own emotions and opinions.
Interpersonal: This area of EQ involves the capacity to build mutually beneficial relationships with others. It relates to the ability to understand and relate to others' emotions and experiences. In addition it concerns a willingness to contribute to one's wider community.
Decision-making: This looks at the degree to which a person is able to consider things from an objective stand-point, delay their impulses and make careful decisions to solve presenting problems.
Stress Management: Not only includes the ability to tolerate obstacles and stress, but also involves openness to new ideas and level of optimism.
So when talking about developing emotional intelligence, generally we are considering building up skills and abilities in the above areas. Which leads us to the next question...
Why do we need to develop EQ?
Just on a surface level, looking at the factors comprising EQ, one can see how having a high level of the measured traits can be beneficial. Luckily, there is a wealth of research that has examined this very question (too many to name here). To summarise, EQ has been shown to be positively correlated with academic performance, job performance, leadership, personal mastery and overall psychological wellbeing and more. Overall, it appears that working to develop emotional intelligence can be of significant value. I have put some links at the bottom of the article if you are interested in reading some research.
How can you help as a parent?
From one parent to another, my honest personal opinion on how you can truly help... TAP IN. First off, do the work necessary to be able to recognize, differentiate and understand your own emotions so you can help your child do the same. Secondly, take a breath and trust yourself as a parent. You got this! No one knows your child better than you and you can use this knowledge to your advantage. Have honest open conversations with your child and have them often. Discuss the important issues but allow them to navigate through social situations independently.
While this all sounds well and good, life seems to be going by faster each week. There doesn’t seem to be enough time to meaningfully connect to others even those we love most. And when there is time we are so mentally fatigued, we can‘t figure out where to start. For those of you needing a bit of help and structure I have developed these awesome workbooks that build on the themes raised through an adventure story to help build EQ by providing interactive activities that encourages immersion in the EQ themes. Specifically the workbook addresses: values, dealing with disappointment, awareness of self and others, courage, bullying and gratitude. This is ideally meant to be spread over 5 weeks but families are encouraged to move at a pace that is comfortable for them.
To order, or for more information please contact me on 0826818253 or romy@rlhpc.co.za
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/333431794_The_Measurement_of_Emotional_Intelligence_A_Critical_Review_of_the_Literature_and_Recommendations_for_Researchers_and_Practitioners
https://journals.ukzn.ac.za/index.php/soa/article/view/821
https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/14e0/8847c5c08d92a98e198ec50225670189e63a.pdf
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